Guidance, teaching, modeling, setting an example – these are all appropriate titles for this this post. However, I think guidance fits best because it encompasses each of the other 3 listed. We cannot just teach our children with words. Our teaching must be modeled in our actions in order for the words to sink in. When there is a gap between our words and actions, our kids see through to the truth of our convictions. The truth is that actions speak louder than words.
Of course, that doesn’t discount the words.
Psalm 34:11
Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Here, we are clearly told to teach fear (or respect) of the Lord. We need to openly discuss our love, honor, and respect for God with our kids. As it says below, we should not keep it a secret that He is great and mighty. I don’t know why we would keep that a secret, but when was the last time you sat down and told your kids what great things God is doing in your life or your family’s life? …I had to think about that one for minute.
Psalm 78:4
We will not hide them from their children,
but tell to the coming generation
the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might,
and the wonders that he has done.
In order to provide proper guidance for our kids, especially our teens, we have to follow a multi-step training process. Remember potty training when they were toddlers? Well, there’s a reason the phrase “wash, rinse, repeat” was ever coined. It takes repetition. We need to teach God’s Word through conversation, and discuss His guidance for our lives. We then need to set the example through our daily lives that we are striving to follow that plan. The trouble is that we aren’t perfect, so we need to be open with our teens and admit when we mess up with them. Here’s a perfect example:
Driving in the car on I-35 recently, I was trying to move from the left lane to the right so that I could exit. The exit was 2 miles ahead. I began looking for a gap in traffic to make the move. I slowed down. The car in my blind spot to my right slowed down with me. So, I sped up to move over into the gap that had opened up. The car sped up to prevent the move. I slowed down again. This time, I slowed down so much that the car beside me had to slam on her brakes to prevent me from moving over BEHIND her. This went on for the full 2 miles and I missed my exit. I said something, or several somethings, that might have caused even some adults to blush. I completely lost my temper. Then, I remembered that I had one of my kids with me. (Not that I should have done it even if I was alone…) Immediately, I had to turn to her and explain that I had just set a bad example and that I was wrong. There is nothing more humbling than admitting that to your kids.
I hope that my guidance in that moment is just as valuable as talking about being “perfect” to the kids. Remember as you teach that your guidance must be backed up with action, and when you fail, it is important to admit the failure and discuss ideas on correct behavior in the future. This teaches our teens how to analyze a situation and learn from it. As stated below – do your best. That is ultimately what we are all striving for.
2 Timothy 2:15
15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved,[a] a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.
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